Looking back on this weekend it seemed I had a lot of stuff going, but it didn’t seem that busy.

Saturday morning I spent at Great Falls Park with the rest of the students from my Photography class. I have a nice camera, and I finally decided I should really learn how to use it, so I took some of the tax money this year and enrolled in a no-credit class. I’ve only had one class and one field trip, but I’ve learned a lot about my camera. We spent the time out at Great Falls taking different pictures of whatever we felt like; we just had to use the select aperture settings and shutter speed assigned by the teacher. I pick up my slides tonight. I’m rather excited to see how they turned out.

The rest of the day was spent getting the top of my poor old bald head fried while waiting to get Sarah’s soccer pictures taken (I thought it was in the gym like last year, but nooooo....), and then Gail and the kids went to the Rainforest Cafe for a birthday party that evening. I hung out with Jeff playing Playstation. Gail and the kids came back later, and more people showed up at Jeff and Marcia’s. The evening progressed into a couple of beer runs, a run to get some food, and me feeling like I’d be better off at home. So I collected the kids, left Gail to chat awhile, and I went home to bed.

Sunday was a nice day so Jeff and I decided to go for a ride on the bikes. Kerry Ann saw us heading out and asked if she could come. She hopped on the back of Jeff’s Vulcan and off we went to West Virginia.

Talk about a beautiful ride. The day was cloudy, and for awhile I thought we might get some rain, but for the most part it held off. The road we took out to West Virginia was a two-lane twister through the Blue Ridge Mountains that was just perfect for a bike. We got to the town of Ranson, WV, and decided to grab a drink and sit for a bit.

Now, here’s where the day became a bit surreal.

As we’re sitting there on the curb enjoying our drinks and talking about nothing in particular, a beat-up old Ford Ranger pulled up and the old-timer driving it hopped out and went into the Quick Mart we’d parked at. His passenger leaned her bleached-strawberry-blonde head out the window and said “Those sure are some pretty bikes! I haven’t been on a motorcycle ride since I was six!” She looked at me and said, “Can you take me for a ride?”

I kinda stuttered a “Well, I don’t have an extra helmet...” as a way of reply.

She turned to Kerry Ann sitting next to me and said “Can I use your helmet?” To which Kerry Ann enthusiastically replied, “Of course!”

As the lady hopped out of the truck, she asked if I was married. I said yup, and Kerry Ann added “She’s a beautiful lady with the skinniest thighs you’ve ever seen.” That remark didn’t even penetrate as she eyed me and gushed, “I just love big men!” Heck, I don’t think she even heard me say that I was married. And if she did, I’m not sure she’d care.

She introduced herself as Sarah, and after our introductions were all made she got Kerry Ann’s helmet on and planted herself on the back of the bike. As I was getting ready to roll out, the old timer she was with came back out of the store with a 12-pack of something alcoholic. He jumped into his truck and took off so fast that Kerry Ann said later that she’d thought he’d never even noticed his passenger was gone. I know he noticed though, ‘cause I saw the look he gave her as she was perched on the back of the bike.

After he’d gone, Sarah and I headed out of the parking lot and cruised down what I took to be the main drag in tiny Ranson. It turns out that she was 22, and the old guy I took to be her dad, was really her husband and 60 years old at that.

But wait. It gets better.

So we’re driving down the road and she starts rubbing my shoulders, gliding her hands from my neck to my arms and says “You have such broad shoulders, I love broad shoulders.” I mumbled some sort of reply. She then ran her hands down my arms and said “You have hairy arms! Are you hairy everywhere else?” I said pretty much.

A little further down the road, with her laughing and talking the whole way, she said “I bet you get all the girls with this bike. Are you married?” Further proof that mine and Kerry Ann’s comments about being married to a gal with skinny thighs went right over that head of hers. “Yes!” I shouted back at her. She giggled and said that I could probably get all sorts of sex with this bike...

So I’m sitting here thinking “Geezus, I’ve gotta get this chick back to her (literally) old man. She’s whacked” I was having visions of me dropping her off at her house and her husband sitting on the front porch with a loaded shotgun just waiting for me to get back.

But oh wait....it gets better.

So we’ve turned around and we’re heading back to her place when she says something that I didn’t catch. I turned my head towards her and said “What?”

She leaned in close to my ear and said “I said I feel privileged to have gone on this ride with you!” and with the word “privileged”, she reached around and squeezed my crotch.

It was all I could do the keep the bike straight.

I must’ve jumped a bit because she took her hand away and laughed, and I gunned the bike down as fast as I could to get her home. We pulled up in front of her house (without a gun-totin’ pissed off husband around, thank God), and she hopped off the bike. After taking her helmet off she said, “Well, now that you know where I live, next time you’re in town you can stop by and visit.” The last was said with a rather mischievous smile, and I’m sure she was talking about more than just popping in for a spot of tea in the afternoon.

I said if I was in town again I’d consider it while I was laughing at myself inside. If I got to Ranson W.V. again this year, it’ll be because I got lost. And I never get lost.

I took the helmet, gave her one last smile and headed back to Jeff and Kerry Ann. I didn’t even bother strapping the helmet down, I just stuck it between my legs and took off. I actually laughed out loud and shook my head at myself while driving along.

When I pulled back into the Quick Mart, Jeff and Kerry Ann where still where I left them. After killing the bike, I told them what happen, and both had a good laugh at my expense. Hell, I had a good laugh at my expense.

We got back to our safe n’ sane neck of the woods about an hour later and dropped Kerry Ann off for her Southern Living party that Gail would be attending. Kerry Ann promised not to tell Gail. Jeff and I then went and saw a movie (Troy, not too bad) and then I headed home.

I told Gail what happened and she had just as good of a laugh as Kerry Ann and Jeff did. Can’t blame her really. She said she was pleased I’d gotten “a little” and that I’d had a good time.

I have the most awesome wife in the world, don’t I? :)