They Almost Got Me
I never answer the “Scam Likely” calls. Same with “Charity Call” or “No Caller ID” as well.
Typically.
Friday I received three back-to-back calls from a “No Caller ID number. On the third time, I figured I’d pick up, as typically the scam and charity calls just go to the next number in their list. When I picked it up, a person who identified himself as “Deputy Jerome Brown” asked for me. He said he was calling from Richmond, and given that I have family in Richmond, and, to be frank, the person calling had no accent, I thought I should listen.
To make a long story long (I was on the call for nearly an hour), this “deputy” informed me that I had missed a jury summons. I said I received no such summons and that he was mistaken. He said not only had I received it, but somone had actually signed the summons and sent it back. After explaining that I never received, nor signed, such a summons, he went into his spiel about me needing to come down to the Richmond Court House, bring two forms of state-approved ID, such as a passport and driver’s license, that included my signature. He even gave me directions once inside the court house of which room to go to, to talk to “Miss Debby” and get my signatures verified. Once it was verified that I was not the signator of the summons, I could then file a civil claim against whoever did sign it.
Early on in the call he had mentioned a fine on my account because I’d failed to show for jury duty. I said “Oh, and I suppose I need to give you my credit card to clear this up”. (My BS meter was still actually working at this point). But he said “Oh, no sir, we don’t take credit cards as lots of scams are perputated this way. Officers of the court will never ask for your credit card.”
And sometime shortly after that, the BS meter apparently ran out of battery. I was thinking, “oh, shit… this might be real. I need to get to Richmond!” As I was collecting my things, he said because of procedures, he needed to stay on the phone with me as a point of contact. At this point I said “What, I have to stay with you on the phone until I get to Richmond? That’s a minimum of two and a half-hours away. I need to tell my wife where I’m going and why.” When I said I needed to talk to my wife, he said “Sir, you can only tell your wife that you’re traveling to Richmond to take care of a legal matter. Not only becaue of the civil junctions against you, but the defendent in the case you were to be sat for has his rights to consider as well…” - not those exact words but similar.
This sounded…plausible? Like maybe it was a thing? Regardless, I let work know I needed to take a personal day, grabbed my shoes, my passport and wallet, as well as my coffee (I hadn’t had my coffee yet, which might explain how the brain was just not working), and got in my truck.
As I was discussing my travel time to Richmond, the scammer said “First, sir, I’ll need you to go to a Walmart Super Center or a CVS. They work with the Treasurer of the Court. The Treasuer of the Court will send you an email with a QR Code. There are two fines attached to the summons for failure to appear, one civil and one federal. Each fine carries a cost of $750, for a total of $1500”.
At this point I’m sitting in my truck, baking because I haven’t turned on the truck to get the AC going, and said “Wait, what? I need to go to Walmart and give them 1500 in cash?” And he gave me some song and dance about it not going to Walmart, but just to clear the fines so I could travel to Richmond without fear of being pulled over. Oh and in the conversation at some point, he even mentioned that I wouldn’t be arrested once on court house grounds due to my “Constitutional Rights”, or some other bullshit.
Of course, the BS meter at this point is not only at nearly 100%, but is slapping me upside the head, braying “SCAM! SCAM! SCAM!!” But…almost at 100%. There was still the smallest bit of doubt. So I asked “What if I just bring $1500 in cash? I have it on me, that way I don’t have to stop and waste time.” He had a response for that as well… “Sir, we don’t take cash, ever since Covid, we have gone completely cashless…”
At this poing I said I’m not sure this is legit, and he said I could certainly opt to decline, but that he would have to inform his superiors and that it would go on my record. I said “Yup, decline” and hung up.
It was embarrassing to admit to the wife that I’d almost been taken. I called her right after hanging up, started to explain what the reasoning behind my cryptic message was and she said “Let me stop you right there. Jury summons, right? This is a scam. I just got a police alerts in my email this very morning”. I should’ve just checked with her first. She’s a smart cookie.
So, yeah, embarrassing, but I let all my friends know. I’d rather I be embarrassed than someone else get scammed.
Oh, and Deputy Jerome? May a thousand angry hamsters infest your trousers, and every time you try to scam someone, a goose honks in your ear from an inter-dimensional void. Dick.